


why do you like the rain so much?

by cloudykozume



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depression, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pluviophile, Rain, Weather, bokuaka if you squint, sad akaashi, this is just me projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26669368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudykozume/pseuds/cloudykozume
Summary: “Why do you like the rain so much?”It was a question Akaashi got all the time, a question he always had an answer for. And every time he got asked the question, he would say the same thing.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 38





	why do you like the rain so much?

“Why do you like the rain so much?”

It was a question Akaashi got all the time, a question he always had an answer for. And every time he got asked the question, he would say the same thing.

“It’s calming.”

But this time, it’s Bokuto asking him. And he knows that his automatic response isn’t true. Well, it _is_ calming, but that’s not why he likes the rain. And Akaashi knows that Bokuto won’t accept that answer. So what does he do? He tells Bokuto the truth, because telling Bokuto the truth is as easy as breathing. It’s so natural to Akaashi, he never ever lies to Bokuto.

“It grounds me.” He starts, but Bokuto knows there’s more to his answer so he stays quiet.

“The feeling of the cold rain soaking through my clothes let’s me know I’m alive, and I’m not just breathing.”

“Does it make you happy?” Bokuto asks, and Akaashi smiles sadly at his hopeful eyes.

“No, it doesn’t. If i’m being honest, I don’t really know how to be happy. And yeah, I feel good sometimes and some days the weight in my chest is a bit lighter and I can appreciate the sun against my skin or the wind caressing my face. But overall, I’m not happy.” Akaashi shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like he’s used to this, and maybe that’s because he is used to it.

“You don’t wanna die, right?” There’s a hint of fear in Bokuto’s voice that makes Akaashi’s heart break. He gently grabs Bokuto’s hands and shakes his head.

“No, Bokuto-san. I don’t want to die.”

And that was true, Akaashi didn’t want to die. But he didn’t want to feel like _this_ either. He wanted to feel happy. Standing out in the rain makes him feel like he’s alive, and being alive is the closest thing to happiness for Akaashi. He wanted to be happy, he wanted that more than anything.

But happiness for Akaashi, it was unattainable. So he put up a facade. He wore a fake smile like a badge and he perfected his fake laugh. And it worked on everyone, well everyone except for Bokuto.

“You’ll be happy one day, you just have to appreciate things one day at a time. Take it slow and just keep loving the rain. You’ll start to live.” Bokuto practically beams.

Akaashi almost believes him, and maybe in time, he can come to believe it. But not right now. Right now, he’ll have to continue to just feel empty. Akaashi will continue to stand out in the rain for many more months, and he won’t feel truly alive just yet.

And maybe that’s ok.

He’ll just sit down in the rain for a little while longer.


End file.
